Three Family Gatherings
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Three months ago, on June 1st, I published my last update. I wrote it during the first leg of our inaugural two-month-long round-the-world trip that commenced in the middle of May to NYC, and returned to Los Angeles in mid-July. There were two family gatherings involving 29 people during the trip, and another family wedding after our return to Los Angeles, when all 29 family members assembled for another celebration. During part of the trip, Maryann and I were able to enjoy a two-week vacation in London with just my son Teddy and his family. The daily occurrence of screaming voices from our granddaughters at dawn, disturbed our morning sleep. And yet, we adored waking up later in the morning to see all our grandchildren. Words cannot fully describe the joy and blessings that we experienced during those two months.
Two significant takeaways arise from our family’s three gatherings, including two weddings and an annual reunion. Firstly, there is a new definition of family, and secondly, the realization that when our family is so blessed, there is no justification for practicing frugality; rather, we should be generous to all at all times.
My revised definition of family encompasses any group of people who can communicate deeply, thoughtfully, and offer constructive criticism to each other with love, while fostering continuous learning and improvement. Thus, family is not solely defined by sharing a last name or a blood relation. I will not delve into the intricacies of why and how all families encounter issues of varying kinds. The reality is that I am not aware of any perfect family. My focus is on enhancing the fact that while our family has been committed to unity and harmony since the passing of our parents 23 years ago, being cordial during gatherings or engaging in gossip as side conversations can both be improved. I aspire to cultivate more authentic relationships among family members, based on the understanding that no one is expected to be perfect. However, accepting each other’s imperfections does not negate the need for continuous learning and improvement. Remaining stagnant and comfortable without pursuing continuous improvement should not define our family's culture. Avoiding difficult conversations is merely an evasion; it does not represent genuine love. If we can learn how to have constructive conversations with our spouses and children, then why not with our family? The bedrock of any family truly lies in the quality of our conversations.
For this new initiative, I am seeking support from my five younger sisters. Culture must be initiated from the top, as the behavior of the older generations resonates more powerfully than any sermon. This ongoing subject and project will be addressed in our bi-monthly Zoom meetings of our sibling group.
My second observation emerged from observing how our family expends money or addresses financial matters during our three gatherings. We allocated substantial funds for the two weddings and the annual family reunion. My challenge is founded on my assessment that our family has been financially blessed. The intention of this paragraph is to encourage contemplation among readers who also recognize their financial blessings. Delving into a discourse about generosity for most marginalized people worldwide would not be appropriate and outside the purpose of this conversation. My aspiration for my family is to perpetually embody generosity, without ever contemplating frugality as an option. The theological basis of this perspective is that there exists no theological endorsement of frugality in God’s kingdom. Rather, there is only an ethos of boundless generosity, as exemplified when God offered His own son as a sacrifice for the redemption of humanity. Despite my efforts, I have not encountered any teachings from Jesus regarding frugality. Can you?
This project is equally challenging due to the cultural veneration of frugality as a virtue in Asia. This practice is often subconscious, driven by the pursuit of finding the next great "deal." I have recently initiated this endeavor, and I will periodically update you on the progress. May the two insights gleaned from my family gatherings serve as food for thought regarding your own relationships with both immediate and extended family members.